Saturday, July 17, 2010

Resolution of a Habitual Smoker

So I wake up and extend my hand to the headboard to get that little white and gold packet, look for a light and walk to the bathroom. This is a typical morning.

I have been smoking since I was 19 years old. That's nine years now, and counting. On an average, I can smoke 5-6 sticks a day. No, make that 8-10. Lets do the math (365 days * 9 years* min5, max10 sticks). That's how much sticks I burned. Not to mention how much money it cost.

Much more when I am out and drinking. I tend to lose count.

No, I am not yet giving up my smoking. Stubborn as I may sound, but I wouldn't wanna take it out my system all at once. I am not (yet) a slave to nicotine, though. It just happen to be the easy yet conscious choice-- a habit more than an addiction. However, as much as my gold-and-white-adorned friends have supported me through the ages, the little blighters are starting to blight me in more ways than one.

Cough. Itchy throat. More cough. Hack. And some more cough. I am deciding to (temporarily) stop smoking (today) until I am better.

Smoking has become a habit that I feel would change my daily routine should I, like magic get these cigarette packet out of my sight as if they never existed. My morning routine will change. But I don't think I will die. I wouldn't want to exaggerate the (supposed) agony of going without lighting up a stick. I may get me a bit disoriented, but then again, I can go on my regular morning and the rest of the day with a trip to a smoking place not in my itinerary.

Again, its a habit more than an addiction.

So I may be called a 'habitual' rather than chronic or addicted smoker, which means that often when I smoke it’s based on a habitual action. I know many of you smokers and former smokers know what I’m talking about. The after dinner cigarette or out drinking with friends and the urge to have a cigarette with that glass of wine. The morning cigarette with that first cup of coffee. When I’m writing, I would smoke while thinking or pausing to take a break.

I am not trying to find justification in semantics, but might be worth the clarification.

Habit is synonymous with "inclination, tendency, routine", while Addiction brings up "fixation, chemical dependency, obsession"

Habit is merely any action brought about by frequently repeated actions, which at some point nearly becomes automatic, usually through conscious choice. On the other hand, Addiction is any action that has run away with itself and/or taken hostage (a body) with a diminishment of easy, conscious choice. The faculty of agency is consumed.

Its not just the Nicotine, nor the catchy media advertisements or the colorful package. Its not just the smoke, or the 'wanting' to belong (very teen, lol). Its more than just the flicking of the fingers as I smoke a stick, or the musky scent of cigarette smoke wafting into the air as I struggle to gather my thoughts in coherence. Its the whole 'smoking' experience that made it part of my habit.

I never have to deal with some internal dialogue of ambivalence, though, like "Boy, that would taste great. No, I shouldn't have it. I really want that. And I shouldn't do it." C'mon, cigarette is not life and death. I want to smoke, and I smoke guiltless. Smoking is not some sort of constant craving. Its just the thing I got accustomed to doing. and I can QUIT (bold, italics)if its deemed necessary.

I have given up some habits in the past, and I know I can (finally and completely) give up smoking, in time.

No comments:

Post a Comment

Links to Ubermensch