Ubermensch: In A Glimpse

Saturday, February 26, 2011

(s)W(e)ET Dream

I haven't gotten the chance to write and update my blog recently. Work has gotten too much of my time, and all I want to do when I get home is to sleep, and sleep some more. This is not an exaggeration.

I haven't had sex for a while now, too (now thats an indication that I really have no time), but I won't say am having a 'dry spell'.

Oooops, just a caution: Read further at your own risk. Now that you are warned, you can proceed.

I am not fond of touching myself either. I really don't find pleasure in masturbating. I don't wanna take it with my own hand. LOL. Or ever I had to do it, I'd prefer doing mutual masturbation with someone. Otherwise, I'd rather sleep IT off.

Anyway, despite my uber busy sched, nature really has its way to balance things out.

I got home 12:00MN from work last Wednesday and went straight to bed. The next thing I know, I was in deep slumber. I woke up at 5am, and felt somethin sticky in my boxers. I knew it-- I just had nocturnal emmission.

I don't remember dreaming that night really. I don't have vivid thoughts nor any recollection whatsoever as to what it was, but I know I got excited to the point that I reached orgasm without me knowing it.

I know it sounds funny, and I couldn't help but laugh whenever I think about it. As far as I know, wet dreams are for teens, and I think I am way past that stage. I can't even remember the last time I experience it, or if I ever did growing up.

So, goin back to my point-- I have no time. I have no time to write. I have no time for sex. I have no time that nature makes it way to satiate the subconscious.


I think I need to make time for IT, soon!

Wednesday, February 9, 2011

Unsolicited Advice

Unsolicited advice is what you get when you give someone who isn’t listening, counseling they didn’t ask for, offering recommendations you probably aren’t even following yourself.

I recently created a profile in one gay social network, and has gotten quite a few messages from people. They are usually inquiries, though (as if I didn't post my blog link there so they can refer to it, duh?). But this one I am posting below got me-- got me not in an interesting way, but somehow got me a bit uncomfortable. Let me just be clear, I am NOT in any way uncomfortable with the person, but uncomfortable with the situation.

Maybe, I am simply not comfortable with an unsolicited advice, whether giving it or being given one.

Here goes the conversation:

him 08. Feb. 2011 - 09:37 : hi 
d-ubermensch 08. Feb. 2011 - 09:49: hi also 
him 08. Feb. 2011 - 09:51: musta k? 
d-ubermensch 08. Feb. 2011 - 09:53: am doin great. and you? 
him 08. Feb. 2011 - 09:54: ok nmn.. im waiting for the confirmatory result from doh 
d-ubermensch 08. Feb. 2011 - 09:55: oh, you've had  test already? 
him 08. Feb. 2011 - 10:00: oo fren reactive nga. dont worry tpos n aq s period n depress. im accepting it pra positv mn lumbs sa confirmtory ok n aq..kw musta k? ng arv kb? 
d-ubermensch 08. Feb. 2011 - 10:01: no, i havent been takin arv, though my doctor has been suggesting that for a long time now. am stubborn. hehehe 
him 08. Feb. 2011 - 10:03: take mu fren pra humba tym mu..san b clinic mu? libre nmn. 
d-ubermensch 08. Feb. 2011 - 10:04: well, id like to forego as much as i can. i think am in good shape. but for sure, ill take that soon. 
him 08. Feb. 2011 - 10:06: take it plssss....fren sana mging txtmate din tyu..me nkilala aq d2 positv xa..mabait xa ngturo lht pnu ggwin ko. sana tyu din mging ok. 
d-ubermensch 08. Feb. 2011 - 10:08:  i will take it, in time. i dont like it forced nor want to do it just because. =D 
him 08. Feb. 2011 - 10:11: depende nmn sa cd4 yn..mtaas b yun sau? 
d-ubermensch 08. Feb. 2011 - 10:16: its not all about CD4. arv is a lifetime commitment, and i dont wanna commit to something i cannot fulfill just yet. ill get there when i find it time to do so 
him 08. Feb. 2011 - 10:17: time is running my fren i hope u realize that soon. 
d-ubermensch 08. Feb. 2011 - 10:22: living with HIV is not just about arv. there are things to the life of an hiv positive aside from the nudge and the constant reminder that its there. its living it, and living with it =D 
him 08. Feb. 2011 - 10:26: nu number mu? 
d-ubermensch 08. Feb. 2011 - 10:28: uhmmm. sorry, cant give my number just yet. 
him 08. Feb. 2011 - 10:39: ok lng pg ok n txt me 092784****** (I edited the number)

Anyway, what do I wanna say? Unsolicited advice is almost useless for one simple reason-- many lessons must be learned, not just intellectually, but emotionally. It is NOT simply a plain statement of facts. Taking action to change your life requires not only thought, but intent, and intent is driven by our internal pain and pleasure associations.

I recognize, though, that while they may seem useless in most cases, unsolicited advice is usually motivated by a genuine desire to help the other person. Specially for those who’ve 'been there and done that', the temptation to offer unsolicited advice can be very overwhelming. Avoiding doing so feels almost like watching someone go into cardiac arrest and not calling an ambulance. But there’s a big difference between the analogy and the reality-- The ambulance will actually help that person; unsolicited advice will not.

Moreso, while some may be give out unsolicited advise out of pure intentions to mean well, others do so to validate their own point of view. This kind of advice is often given to or by people you don’t know really well, or given about a subject you’ve just started learning and are looking to feel smarter about by giving other 'newbies' advice. In both cases, this is more often motivated not so much by helping the other person as by 'needing to be right.'

Not that I am totally discounting the values of an unsolicited advise. When they are genuinely motivated by the desire help, unsolicited advice can be okay, in microscopic doses.

I, myself, give unsolicited advise, one way or another. My writing, for example is one outlet I use to give (unsolicited) advice. It allows me to say anything I want, only that it is consumed only with reader consent. If you don’t want my advice, you don’t have to read it.

So, my advise to those who give unsolicited advice? Never overuse it. Learn to get the hints that you have been going too far.

Thursday, February 3, 2011

The (Honorary) Third Wheel

I may not have a boyfriend nor a steady partner now, but I have found myself comfortable with singlehood, though I still go out on dates, more dates that is, lately. However, recently, I have found myself involved in some relationships that I feel like I should be declared an 'honorary' third-party. Thrice over. Maybe more. I really can’t even keep track any more.

I never really thought about it before. I mean, it was never an issue for me, until a recent conversation, ok, more like flirting/chasing game with someone, who is also 'coupled', that got me into thinking.

Don't expect this to be a defense of the mistress. I am not advocating it, just to be clear. I just happen to be in it, and simply want to share my stories and some thoughts.

My stories are not the typical 'other-man' or 'other-woman', or 'other-gay', if we must call them that. Unlike the usual scene wherein the "other-person" does not know the whole truth about their new 'friend', who has withheld the information that they are already hitched, which eventually caused the the attachment of stigma to the 'other person' as the 'home-wrecker', the 'bitch', or whatever you may call them, mine are all consentual.

This is not to say that this makes the act right. But I also maintain that the act isn't wrong, to begin with.

Here are my stories:

I met J. We dated. Then parted ways. I went back with my (then)BF, while I haven't heard from him. The next time we met, hes coupled, and is happy. I kept seeing J despite knowing that he is taken. He was also OK with that. I promised him and his BF though that I wont get in between their relationship. I promised not to cause their relationship any trouble, and I stand by that.

We see each other when we want to see each other, when it is convenient for us to go out for lunch, or dinner, or simply a stroll. We don't force it when we can't.

I'll admit, at times I wish I am his BF instead. But then again, I know he is happy with what he has now. I am happy that J is happy with his BF.

The same goes with G, my recent vacationship. We see each other when we can, when it is convenient. We try to enjoy what we have as much as we can.

The past 2 weeks, his BF came to visit him so we haven't gone out for a while now. Was I sad about that? Was I devastated that he is with someone instead of me? NO.

I knew that when I started the vacationship with G, we can only go as far. I knew where we stand, and I wouldn't wanna cross the line that I myself draw.

During the time that I haven't been seeing G, I chanced upon someone, A. We met online, and after couple of messages, we decided to go out for dinner.

I won't deny that A is attractive, and is easy to get along with. We went out for a few more dates.

But we were trapped in the same dilemma-- he is taken.

Its funny how he would make a joke out of our situation. He would tell me that he likes my hair, and that he likes my smile. He would ask me the things that I do and would eagerly share to me his passions for the same things. He would tell me he likes me, then in the end would say, that I am falling for him (where in fact we know that we both can't fall with each other)

I would tell the joke in return, that he has fallen in love with me. Then its always punctuated by a comfortable silence and a good laugh.

I still see A. We would go out and have time together when we can. I haven't met his BF yet, though I've already talked to him online. We are planning to set up a dinner together one of these days.

Finally, just a few days ago, I had a very interesting conversation (which led to flirting and some admissions) with someone. I've met him through a friend, a poz friend. We never saw each other after that initial meet up, and just started to be in touch online lately.

I would admit that he is an interesting guy and is very likable. He is smart and has the maturity that can follow my (wicked) sense of humour. I love talking to him, and I'd like to think he feels the same. But to take his words, he likes me and would take me "only is hes not attached".

He is very open though. He is very open to the possibilities that can come from what we have now, and I am somehow happy with that.

Yes, it may seem terribly easy to look at this from an outsider's perspective, and make some judgments from there. It is a big NO-NO! I even get that from close friends, and I don't blame them.

It is understandable. The 'other person' usually is portrayed as that which causes any of the couple to cheat, hence, destroy the 'relationship' in the end. And that is clearly, without any question unacceptable.

But this is not the love triangle portrayed in movies.

Although I acknowledge that there are men/women out there who prefer dating a committed man/woman to purposely cause troubles in the relationship, there are also some who just happen "to be in that situation", a situation where they try to build a relationship with someone, only with the antecendent 'that someone is committed'.

Just like any relationships, the essential is that someone wants to build a relationship from pure intentions, and whatever the antecedent may be, I think that alone is enough reason to give it a chance and spare it from the misconception that all affairs of this sort are the result of the deceit.

Afterall, ALL is fair in love.

Links to Ubermensch