I haven't updated my blog for a while now. No, this isn't one of those spontaneous hiatus i do every once in a while. Neither it is because I've ran out of things to write. Rather, it is because of the discomfort of having been only able to do things single-handedly-- and I mean literally with one hand, that had me take writing (or typing, whatever you wanna call it) at a bay.
Now I am back, though still with only one able hand while the other is recuperating. I am getting better, nonetheless.
So, how do I start (again)?
Well, the past weeks have been good, I must say.
First, I have reconciled with my past. Although I really didn't have to deal with post break up anxiety after my relationship of more than a year ended in April, things weren't all good. BF and I weren't in speaking terms for a while until his birthday. Though I won't say everything is fixed now, it is good that we have started to be at ease and are able talk to each other without either antagonism or indifference.
Last week, I went to see him to get some of the things I left with him in the condo. I felt it was not as homey as before, but at least I felt at ease. We then decided to go out that night to a party of a friend, and here are a few things I realized.
BF is a special guy and will always have a special space in my heart. I may (choose to) cease to care at times, but I know that wouldn't last. I will always have a soft spot for this guy I love(d). Afterall, he is a great guy. He is a great guy in the same way that (I'd like to think)I am as well, and we are both great as individuals, only that it is not always great when we're together. Again, two great individuals do not always make a good couple. The fallacy of composition stands.
Still, another thing I realized is that is that although I would say I have long time accepted that we are no longer together and it is better this way, it (still) feels awkward whenever I am asked by friends about 'US'. I mean, at the same party we were in, we were asked how long have we been together, and I, although (still) not very comfortable, said "we are no longer together." I tried to disperse the situation with nonchalance, but I know at the back of my mind were a lot of thoughts. It could have been just the pressure from the assumption the relationships ought to last, well, at least ours. Or it could also be just me over thinking it. I could have just taken it as 'a plain statement of a fact' as I usually do with other truths I tell people, but I know this truth is one things I have to learn to take casually. It shouldn't be a big deal, afterall.
Moving on,I have finally decided to take on a new job last week. After going freelance since I left my last job in November last year, I decided to accept a regular job and go back to the corporate jungle. This isn't exactly my dream job, but for the meantime, I'll try and wing it.
Lastly, I finally went home. Just before I get enslaved in the corners of my new office, I decided to hit the road and head home to spend some time with my family.I know it is not a herculean task. A two to three hour commuting doesn't sound a task at all. I also know I should have done this a long time ago, and as often as I should have, but always failed. Despite my failure, it is good to know that it is always a home and a family waiting for me. I know I am loved.
I am staying at my mom's for the meantime. Although it pains me to see her worry upon and everytime she sees the wound on my left hand, I'll take the time and this chance to be the son to her, the brother to my siblings, and the uncle to my niece. Its gonna be a good happy vacation at home, I know.
Things are falling into places, and I am somehow pleased. Its also good that to know that by the time I am back in the city, a special person will have already been there. J will come back from his vacation soon. This is the one thing I look forward to at the moment.
Til I write again.
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