Skype[d] my Worries Away

I have just finished a Skype session with one, if not the closest friend I have.

I have known L since 1999. We were best bud in college. I haven't seen her for a while now. She is currently based in Norway finishing her Phd and haven't seen her since January 2009. We remained in touch despite the physical separation though.

L is the crybaby, while I am the 'tough' guy in the group. L cries a lot, but I know she is strong. I've seen her gone through some painful moments in the past, including a death of a very special friend, but she managed to stand up and remain. I know she can handle tough times. I may see her cry again, but I am assured she can manage. And so I decided to be weak in her presence.

I have managed to at least be 'more normal' than my previous state and is now able to think level headed (or at least I would like to think.) The typical 'tough' guy that I was decided to L about my current reality, with the disclaimer that its as if our conversation never happened soon as we finished. Although I am confident that she wouldn't even dare tell anybody about it, I just had to tell her that to assure that I am not incriminating myself. She agreed on the condition.

I slowly typed into the message tab of Skype: "I am HIV positive."' I don't know why I couldn't say it verbally and needed to write it instead. That could be the part of me still in denial despite the countless conditioning that I have already accepted that fact. Anyway, i tried to keep my message plain and flat, devoid of any emotions.

I looked at her in the webcam soon as i pressed the 'enter' key on my laptop. She looked calm. Not the typical L I know. I have seen her freak out before (in public) upon reading a note sent to her by a friend. I was pleased by what I saw.

She then started to assure me that everything is gonna be fine, that nothing is going to change, and that she will always be there. I tried to compose myself and look as if everything is OK. I was at the same time holding my tears. I am the 'tough' guy, afterall.

We ended the conversation with best wishes and a few reminders. Then my tears fell soon as I hit the 'close window' icon.

Suddenly, all  my hesitations and worries for the moment were gone. I am appeased.