Admittedly, I've been through that stage of being absolutely intrigued with death. I've been drawn to morbid interests early on starting through my Romeo and Juliet, and titanic and holocaust phase. It then grew into my obsession with Quentin Tarantino and war movies, until I discovered the concept of suicide when I was in the University. I even spent a great deal of research to know and understand suicide not just in a general and ordinary everyday discourse, but most of the underlying philosophical concepts about it.
I was also very into the discussions I conduct in my classes about Death and Dying. I loved my discussion on the metaphysics of death, the ethics of dying, and the many philosophical aspects of it. I can surely talk about Death, but I realized after a while that I was talking about Death as a concept, and NOT the experience of Death as related to my person, that is MY Death.
I am not gonna talk about what Death is (or what it is not as others prefer to talk about it)as a general concept. I would instead talk about MY views on MY Death.
So how do I like my death to be?
I want death to come in my 40s. I don't wanna die (too) old. I think I would have accomplished a lot at that age. I don't want the mere redundancy of living, so one experience of things and events would be enough for me. I would have traveled to (most) places I always wanted to be in, have eaten most of the food I wish, and things like that, and the ones I have yet to experience, I can just let them stay like that. Afterall, I don't need to experience everything in life, but rather, just need to experience what I have.
I don't want a weeklong wake. I just want it to last 2-3 days. I don't need a lot of people to come and visit my wake, too. I'd have a list of the people I want to be there, and its gonna be just a short list.
I am not really particular on how my casket would be. It can go in the shade of white, but I'd like it to be grayish or silver.
I want my clothes to be changed everyday in the 2-3 days that I would lie in my coffin, open for public viewing. I want my purple long sleeves, with a dark gray/silver tie and a black slim cut coat on my first day, then a classic black shirt and a red tie (still with the coat), on my second day, and finally, a 3-piece suit (white shirt with a butterfly tie and a vest, just like one in those classic movies)on my last day.
I want my wake to be at my aunt's place in the province (where my dad was laid on his last days), not too far from my family's house. Its a family house at a hill, with an open greenery, and a nice 360 degree view of everything in the surrounding. I want it to be quiet, and far from the busy city life. I feel like I've been in the city for most of my life, and would like to be back home on my last days.
I want my mom, and the rest of the family to do the traditional 'cooking' for my guests. My mom cooks very well, and I want her to cook the one I usually cook. My cooking has always been compared to my mom, and for the last time, I would like to have people taste how I usually do 'food'.
I already have a playlist prepared for my wake. I want these songs to be played repeatedly in my wake:
In the Arms of an Angel (Sarah McLachlan)
Strangers in the Sky (Jason Mraz)
Such Great Heights (Iron and Wine)
Collide (Howie Day)
I've Had a Time of My Life (Any version)
Fame (Irene Cara)
I also want a photo presentation on the last day of the wake. I want my friends to share photos I have with them.
Finally, I want my friend, L, or J, to do the Eulogy.
This isn't a farewell post. Neither do I feel Death coming,well, at least not so soon I hope.
Its just one of those days.
