Terribly S.I.C.K!

No, not me. I am perfectly fine.

I found this site ( http://lastsexofanhiv.blogspot.com ) from a friend's post in Facebook. This site inadvertently name names/profiles of people who are "supposed" HIV/AIDS Positive Spreader (to use his words precisely). Whoever created this, i think, is sick. Very, very sick!

I have to admit that upon scrolling down the page, I was somehow worried my profile would be there and I was already thinking of freaking out. LOL. Anyway, I went on reading the page and tried to ponder.

I really don't know what the intent is, but whatever it is, it already earned my contempt. It hides behind the cloak of "concern and compassion".

Whether the people whos names and profiles are real HIV/AIDS infected or falsely accused won't even be of much significance to me---whether it is true or not, these people deserve the same regard and respect as everyone else.

I understand that HIV/AIDS in the country has reached a number most of us wouldn't even imagine, and it is a good thing to know that there are people and group who acts to solve the problem. But at the same time, there are those individual who very often hide nicely behind the cloak of righteousness.

I won't come clean. I, too make wrong judgments. But to go as far as this goes beyond mere lapse of judgment, but extends to ignorance and disrespect.

OK. So we all suffer insult, and we all feel hurt, and we all tend to sink into fantasies of revenge. Some of us then “get angry” and violently act out the fantasies in real life. And some of us just push everything out of awareness and pretend we are “concerned” persons.

This blog may be trying to 'save the world'. The intentions may well be very noble. But then again, I believe it is not all the intentions that counts. We cannot cure an open wound by taking cough medicines.

In all of these, let me just say--

If you want to change the world, begin by changing yourself.

If you want the world to be more fair, treat the world fairly even when you are treated unfairly.

If you want the world to be more kind, treat the world with kindness and return a blessing for every insult.

Show the world by your good actions—not by empty protest or violence—that you are willing to live according to what you profess to believe.

Not Really a Comeback

No, this isn't my 'comeback' into blogging. Not that I have fallen out of love into writing, just that I don't want to commit into something I cannot carry on (just like taking ARVs and so I chose to suspend startin the regimen).

I just celebrated my 29th birthday, my last hurrah before I step into a new decade. I’ve taken a brief break from my current work-home-and-a-few-socials routine to write. I suppose birthdays are afterall a natural time to reflect upon where you're at and what you're doing. And this has been a great year to reflect upon.

I’ve realized that as I grow older, I have become more keenly attuned not only to the quickness of time, but also to the shortness of life. No, not that i feel like I am dying anytime. In fact, I am feeling fitter and stronger than I have in a few years, and am looking forward to feeling even better in the future.

However, I have got stuck back into my plan to ARV regimen. As plans go, it's pretty basic to start off with. I have already made appointments in my to complete my baseline tests, but that has remained a plan. I don't want to feel bad about it though, that just because its planned and that I've a 260 count (based on my last)I feel obligated to do it. Its not that if I disobeyed what the doctor says, the whole structure of my life would crumble.

Hopefully, the day will come when I don't need to play little psychological tricks on myself, but it isn't here yet. I am not in a rush though. I know things will fall into places.

I've learned to be not too hard on myself. I don't want to push myself too much anymore as I did growing up. Not that regret it. On the contrary, I think it is good that I pushed myself to hard at an early age. I have accomplished more than people my age have-- I've traveled the world, got a very good education and a good job. But of course it came with a price, just like everything else.

I sometimes feel like I pushed my self way too much that I sometimes feel burned. And so I now try to just glide instead of resist-- let things fall into proper place and time.

Of course, the past year hasn't been all good, all perfect. I still feel crappy at times, wake up at the wrong side of the bed, gets a bad hair day. But all in all, I'm so thankful for the year, not an event is regretted.