Not Really a Comeback

No, this isn't my 'comeback' into blogging. Not that I have fallen out of love into writing, just that I don't want to commit into something I cannot carry on (just like taking ARVs and so I chose to suspend startin the regimen).

I just celebrated my 29th birthday, my last hurrah before I step into a new decade. I’ve taken a brief break from my current work-home-and-a-few-socials routine to write. I suppose birthdays are afterall a natural time to reflect upon where you're at and what you're doing. And this has been a great year to reflect upon.

I’ve realized that as I grow older, I have become more keenly attuned not only to the quickness of time, but also to the shortness of life. No, not that i feel like I am dying anytime. In fact, I am feeling fitter and stronger than I have in a few years, and am looking forward to feeling even better in the future.

However, I have got stuck back into my plan to ARV regimen. As plans go, it's pretty basic to start off with. I have already made appointments in my to complete my baseline tests, but that has remained a plan. I don't want to feel bad about it though, that just because its planned and that I've a 260 count (based on my last)I feel obligated to do it. Its not that if I disobeyed what the doctor says, the whole structure of my life would crumble.

Hopefully, the day will come when I don't need to play little psychological tricks on myself, but it isn't here yet. I am not in a rush though. I know things will fall into places.

I've learned to be not too hard on myself. I don't want to push myself too much anymore as I did growing up. Not that regret it. On the contrary, I think it is good that I pushed myself to hard at an early age. I have accomplished more than people my age have-- I've traveled the world, got a very good education and a good job. But of course it came with a price, just like everything else.

I sometimes feel like I pushed my self way too much that I sometimes feel burned. And so I now try to just glide instead of resist-- let things fall into proper place and time.

Of course, the past year hasn't been all good, all perfect. I still feel crappy at times, wake up at the wrong side of the bed, gets a bad hair day. But all in all, I'm so thankful for the year, not an event is regretted.